How to stop negative thoughts

In this episode, I share a story about a 16-year-old client who discovered the secret of stopping those negative thoughts in his head and how to heal himself. Enjoy! 

Transcript

How to stop negative thoughts: In this blog post and podcast episode, I will share a story about people struggling to silence or ignore negative thoughts. To begin this story, if you recall the blog post and episode, help, my parents suck; I help people understand and comprehend which home environment they grew up in. That blog post is essential to discover because it reveals how our inner critic has developed and the choice of words to keep someone trapped within the 3D states of human consciousness. So, let's begin. 

I was working with a teenage boy who has experienced trauma and is stuck in anger. What he struggles with the most is negative thoughts. In his mind, he constantly beats himself up, burrates himself, insults, argues, and fights against it. He has tried numerous ways to silence that voice in his head but has failed. It makes him even more angry, depressed, and hopeless, and he experiences social anxiety and fear. Sometimes, he wants to end it all to escape the endless loop of being stuck on that hamster wheel of self-doubt.

Since I knew this teenager's past and parents, I looked at him and validated his pain and suffering. I told him I could relate and discovered how to silence and heal my wounded inner critic. When I was younger, my inner critic was angry and made me doubt myself constantly. It was hell. I had to learn to become more self-aware and to notice the signs when I was going down that slippery slope of no return. It did not happen overnight, and it took constant practice, practice, practice until I mastered the warning signs within and without. And when I say within and without, I mean situations and people that would trigger me and harsh or judgmental thoughts and emotions within myself.

This approach of sharing personal information about myself was intended to build rapport with this teenager. I told him my inner critic no longer talked because I had healed myself and got unstuck from the rigid 3D human consciousness thought patterns and destructive emotional states.

Of course, some teenagers will not believe you. Still, when I shared the logic behind my approach, he completely understood and saw the power in this self-healing approach, which I hope everyone reading this blog post or listening to this podcast will also see the wisdom.

My next step was to have this kiddo recognize the voice within his head. I knew his father was authoritarian and shame-parented him as a child, but the words he used against himself, I knew his father did not verbally express. The words and sentences came from his negative thoughts and beliefs about himself because children internalize their pain and suffering instead of having the skills and abilities to cope and rationalize as adults.

The voice inside his head was using some rather harsh statements (trigger warning), such as:

• Shut up, you idiot
• You are better off dead
• You are worthless
• You will not amount to anything in life
• I hate everyone
• You are such a disappointment
• I hate my life
• You are incompetent
• Nobody likes you
• Your opinions don't matter
• The world is a scary place
• You are stupid
• The world is falling apart

Pretty harsh, right? Yet we do this to ourselves when we think or feel we have made a mistake: We let someone down, get angry, confused, scared, lost, frustrated, lack self-esteem and confidence, or feel fearful. All those angry, knife-cutting words would drive anyone into a state of anger or hopelessness. Can anyone relate? I just wanted to bring this young man some relief and peace of mind.

So, I had him imagine himself as a young child, around ten years old, before he was traumatized. I had him connect to that scared, confused, and struggling child who just wanted his parents to get along and stop fighting. When he closed his eyes, he could see that frightened little boy. What I did next shocked him and made him laugh.

I had him imagine that he was the parent of that ten-year-old boy inside of him. I explained that what he was doing was not helping this little boy heal but was making it worse each time he treated it like an authoritarian father, but 100 times worse than his real dad.

I said, "So, imagine that little boy is scared, and to protect himself and to get your attention, he jumps up into anger. It wants to fight and yell because it is being treated as if it is worthless, and it is NOT. So, he is acting out and having a tantrum, and instead of calming it down or soothing him, you say this to him. Shut the hell up! You irritate me. I hate you. You are so stupid. Go away! Leave me alone! Go to your room! Then you slam the door in that crying little boy's face."

That made him laugh because he understood. I was pretending to be him, and I nailed it. It was precisely how he would talk to himself inside his head. Of course, I was overly dramatic in making my point. I needed to speak on his level, which meant using foul language, which I will refrain from using today. Yet he knew that if he were a parent, he would never talk to a child in that same manner. He had no idea the harm he was doing to himself. It is that saying, "Only love can concore hate." We must stop hating those negative thoughts and become curious instead. Go within and connect with that angry part of yourself that is filling your head with negative thoughts. After all, it has been trying to get your attention and keeps getting rejected or abused.

I said, "You have not healed because you deny the little wounded part inside you. Nobody else. You need to treat it like your mom treats you. She is patient, understanding, compassionate, forgiving, wise, and loving. That is what you want anyway, right? To be heard, accepted, forgiven, soothed, your thoughts and feelings validated, and happy again? Nobody wants to be treated like trash and yelled at, especially a child who is distressed and lost."

So again, do you want this? To hit home with this concept and approach, I used the authoritarian tone of voice again, swear words, and irate facial and arm expressions. Again he laughed and was loving this new approach.

Next, I asked him If he wanted to change, and he did. So, I suggested that when he hears that angry, frustrated, or fearful voice inside his head, to stop and say, "Hey, we need to calm down, buddy. When we get angry, bad things happen to us. I understand you are angry, sad, frightened, and worried. I will no longer ignore you or punish you. Please forgive me. I love you, and I am sorry. Thank you for trying to get my attention. I did not understand what I was doing was hurting you every time I fought against you. I should have embraced you and gave you comfort. Again, I am sorry. Please forgive me."

This approach blew his sixteen-year-old mind, and he has worked with almost a dozen different therapists or counselors since he was six. Nobody discussed this logical approach, which lines up with Internal Family Systems. So, I had him connect to that little boy, and they talked. I just sat there and was amazed at how kind, loving, raw, honest, and compassionate he was to that frightened and angry wounded little boy trapped inside of him.

At first, the wounded part of him was still slightly angry at him, but it accepted his apology. I had him ask that part of himself questions to discover what it needed from him moving forward. Like most wounded parts, there is always a leader or spokesperson. He could tell that some other parts of him were confused. I mean, who wouldn't? For years, he has been beating himself up, and now he is finally listening. Anyone would be on the fence, I explained. So, I had him tell those listening that he would do his best to listen to them in the future and work on calming them down instead of yelling at them and making them feel rejected and abandoned.

At the end of our session, this young man found relief and became calmer. He explained that he felt energy moving around within his body, and he felt lighter and less anxious. He grasped the concept and idea of radical self-acceptance.

A few days later, he shared with me that when his inner critic got angry at something he read on social media, he could stop and talk to it. For the first time, that part of him listened and calmed down. The voice became quiet in his head, and he felt so much better about himself and this new technique. I was so proud of him!

So, the moral of this story is: Please stop and go within. Connect and communicate with those wounded inner parts of yourself. Give them what they need and want from you. Stop ignoring, fighting against, beating them up, and shaming them. Use the tools within 4D human consciousness to heal yourself. You will thank yourself for this gift of self-acceptance and love.

In love and light,

Kerie Logan