Why do I take everything personally?

 Today, I have a treat for everyone. I will unpack the burning question many people Google online: Why do I take everything personally? Next, I will break it down and explain what steps to take to stop the vicious cycle of self-doubt from my personal experience. So, this should be enlightening and fun. 

Transcript

 Today, I have a treat for everyone. I will unpack the burning question many people Google online: Why do I take everything personally? Next, I will break it down and explain what steps to take to stop the vicious cycle of self-doubt from my personal experience. So, this should be enlightening and fun. 

Many of you might be surprised to learn that I am a gamer girl. A gamer girl is a slang term for a woman or female who regularly plays video games. My daughter hooked me into playing with her online, and it is now my go-to de-stress fun activity. I have been a gamer girl for as long as I have been a therapist and coach. Shocking, but true. My two favorite games to play are World of Warcraft and New World. So, I guess I am nerdy, but I love it!

Before we begin with my story, I went online to see what an AI had to say about this topic and this is what I discovered. "Taking things personally often stems from low self-esteem, a heightened need for validation, or past experiences where you felt criticized or attacked. This leads you to interpret even neutral comments as directed towards you; it can also be related to an anxious attachment style, making you more sensitive to potential rejection or disapproval from others."

All I can say is yes, yes, yes. I know a lot about attachment styles, and you will get the message when you hear my story.

Recently, I have been mainly focused on playing New World: Aeternum on my PC. I have been working on creating a great gear set build to make my character super powerful. Just a few days ago, I joined a group of other online players for an invasion. Even though we did not have an entire group of 50 players, only 38, I ranked third in performance and damage. That was the highest score ever, and I was so excited! I was so joyful and excited that I shared my score on the Discord group chat. Well, some people, or one person, did not appreciate my joy.

The subsequent invasion was in 30 minutes, and I was excited to play again. I stood in line with the other players, but I was not selected this time. I thought, "What the hell?" So, I ran over to the warboard and saw that one spot was still open. Before my eyes, I saw them select someone else. This made me mad, and I took it personally. I felt cheated because I helped win over 67 invasions, and my average score was between 8th and 14th place. I saw myself as a valuable asset to the team effort, but some did not.

Then, right before the invasion started, another player left, and they selected me before I logged out. I still played, but the spot they selected for me spoke volumes. One player consistently ranks number one, and we are friends online. I wish I had his bow, but I do not. His primary position is in the back, covering two gates, not just one. This is the most challenging position. Instead, they put him at a side gate. I have played over 150 invasions with this guy, and he has never been placed at a side gate. So, this was personal and a direct message from the person who wanted to teach me a lesson. Still, we won, and I got 11th place, but I was mad.

When I logged out of the game, I told my sixteen-year-old son what happened, and he said that it was a dick move. Someone in the game and in charge of the invasions does not like me, and it must be immature. Yet again, I still took it personally. I could not shake it off. This is teamwork, not competition.

That night, before I went to bed, I went inside myself to seek answers. I wanted to know why I was taking this personally. When I became quiet, calm, centered, and grounded, I asked what memories triggered this reaction and response within me. In my mind's eye, I saw my two step-brothers and two biological brothers. I never grew up having a sister. I heard, "You are a girl, and girls suck at games. Guys are always better, stronger, faster, and more intelligent than girls. You are not good enough, and we are better than you. You are weak and unimportant. You are just a girl!" Pretty deep stuff, right? I heard this garbage for years, which made me determined to prove my self-worth to them. And even when I was better at them in some areas, they would still cheat or lie to be a notch above me. Can anyone relate?

Before I break down the steps I took to set myself free, I am being guided to share this perspective. We are energetic beings having a human experience. We live in a world of energy, frequency, and vibration. All our emotions are just different frequencies ranging from 20 to 1,000. Shame is the lowest, and enlightenment is the highest. When a person experiences trauma or memories that trigger a negative vibrational reaction, this is a warning sign that various lower emotional frequencies are trapped and stuck within our energy fields and systems. When we do not practice going within and clearing this energetic garbage, life will bring us more and more experience that aligns with the unresolved garbage - like attracts like. So, the Universe brought this experience into my reality to take out the trash.

So, the first step I took was to forgive my brothers. I had to accept (350) this painful truth, which was distorted, stuck information. When I reviewed my life growing up, I saw a string of pop beads. Each pop bead was memory after memory, complete with distorted stuck information energetically trapped within me. The second step was to forgive the energy around my brothers and why they felt the need to humiliate (20) and despise me for being a strong, empowered (200) female.

The third step I used was the ho'oponopono prayer. The steps are as follows: I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, and thank you. So, I said, I am sorry you felt threatened by me. I am sorry you believed you were above me and not my equal. I am sorry you felt the vengeful desire (125) to lie or cheat to win. Please forgive me for taking your actions and behaviors personally. This was more about your insecurities than me. Please forgive me for humiliating you when I won in sports or played games. I love you and I only wish you genuine happiness in life. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to go within and take out the trash.

Then, my exploration became even more profound. My father appeared in my mind's eye, and I recalled how he never supported or stood up for me when my brothers were criticizing and attacking me. He joined in on the twisted fun and made me feel worse. Memories began to surface of how he would cheat and be dishonest in games and swim laps in a pool or lake. I was a fast swimmer, and he would always cheat and be determined to win at any cost. So, I followed the same steps as above for my father and included the ho'oponopono prayer.

When I felt a shift within myself, I moved on to forgiving myself. In my mind's eye, I saw this skinny little girl who just wanted to bond with her brothers instead of being rejected. Then, that little girl transformed into a teenager, and I spoke to her. I cleared and forgave all the ages and stages of my life when my brothers made me feel or think I was unworthy and not good enough as a female. I used the ho'oponopono prayer on all those wounded parts of myself. Filling them all up with love and light.

In the end, I forgave everything, and everyone involved that created these trapped emotional wounds within myself. I forgave the energy around the memories and traumatic experiences. All the memories and negative frequencies became washed clean. All that remained was love—love for myself and what remains.

The final step was to wrap it all up in golden light, and I tied a shiny pink bow on it as if it were a present. I handed it over to our Creator to process and transmute into light. The whole process took me about 15 minutes. I was neutral when I checked in with my body and recalled the invasion experience (250). This was a sign that my work was complete and I was clear.

The next day, when I joined another invasion. I quickly realized by the placements within the invasion that this stranger was still triggered and upset. I was placed with two of the other top three players. So, when I fired by bow, the target was already eliminated. I did not stand a chance against these two different, more powerful players. Therefore, I got 24th place, my lowest score ever, but I was okay. We still won the invasion. This was no longer about me but about him. It is just a game and not a competition. So, that night before going to bed, I worked on forgiving this online stranger and asked for their forgiveness. I followed the same steps, which were done in about 5 minutes.

Now, the real question is, does my heart still desire to join this weekly invasion? Part of me says yes, and the other part says no. So, let me explain. If I am placed in a position of punishment again and again, I do have the choice to leave the raid group. I do not have to play with his sick and twisted revenge game. Many other options before me will bring me joy and happiness. Either way, it is all good. Again, these are his unresolved issues with empowered females, not about me.

The following example will fascinate people. It shows family dynamics and how people can have different perspectives and memories. Remember, every negative memory or experience a person faces grants them the opportunity and choice to view it from a higher state of consciousness. To shift into that higher state of consciousness, the person must realize that any lower vibrational emotional triggers ranging from 20 to 175 is an opportunity for growth, exploration, and release. When we keep claiming the terrible things that happened within our lives, we are claiming those frightening choices made in fear, which will continue to remain fearful and frightening until we choose to comprehend it from a higher vibrational set point. So, think of it as the progression that will lift you higher, and at times, this progression might require one to move through the pain, suffering, or distorted memories.

So, stop poking at the problems and go within to re-see beyond the problem and turn it into an opportunity to lift you higher until what once viewed as a problem no longer has power or control over your peace of mind and well-being. Therefore, when we re-see the situation from the levels of 4D human consciousness, the person will experience a transformation because that energetic pain or suffering has been transmuted and transformed into forgiveness, understanding, compassion, acceptance, wisdom, neutrality, and sometimes unconditional love.

Before I begin, I must give a trigger warning to a few people. I will be discussing domestic violence and child abuse.  I did not grow up in a 4D human consciousness environment. So, let's start. We just had Thanksgiving here in the United States, and my brother visited me from California. Thanksgiving evening, I believe he had too many beers and started complaining about our mom. Our mom passed away in 2019. I only have love for this woman who experienced so much pain, suffering, trauma, and heartache. Yes, she was not the best at parenting, but in my heart and soul, I believe she did her best with the tools and resources available in her lifetime.

My younger brother recalled a few specific memories that were utterly distorted from a clinical perspective. He complained that our mother was horrible at parenting because she drove us to a park two miles away from home and left us there while she returned home. He said, "How can a mother do that to her children? She just dumped us off at that park. You would never do that. She was just terrible and neglectful. Dad was such a better parent. At least he played with me. She rarely played with me."

I looked at him in shock. These were two different perspectives and memories. His were memories of disappointment, abandonment, pain, and suffering, while mine were happy, joyful, and cherished within my heart.

He never lived with our father, and I did for a short time. It was hell for me. When I quickly looked back in time, he referred to the time frame when I was around twelve to thirteen years old, and he was ten to eleven years old. So, from my perspective, our ages and the way the world was back in the late 70's were much safer than today. He was stuck in a victim mindset, and because he was stuck, he had to vilify our mother to validate his resentment, anger, and bitterness toward her.

Therefore, he used these wonderful memories as a tool to rationalize his negative thoughts and feelings toward her. He was so hyper-focused on her neglectful parenting style that he could not view these memories from a higher perspective. It was sad because he clearly disregarded that we loved that specific park. He begged to go to that park and looked forward to visiting that park often.

That magical park was in Larkspur, California. It was surrounded by majestic redwood trees, a shallow, peaceful creek flowing next to the park, bright, vivid green moss growing on trees, and a superb large tree house. The energy and essence of that park was magical to me. It was like I was in another world. I fondly remember playing with my brother at that park, especially on hot summer days. The redwood trees would canopy the playground, which made it cool and comfortable. Our mom would give us money to either take the bus home or get ourselves a treat if we wanted to, and let me repeat, "WE" decided to walk home. That was a choice we made, and most of the time, we chose to walk home, and here is why. We loved walking to get ice cream afterward on those hot summer days, playing in the lower-level channels full of wildlife, catching frogs and baby crabs, and exploring another park closer to home—all positive, loving, joyful memories. Can you comprehend my shock value? Does anyone relate?

So, I looked at him and said, "This was not abuse or neglect. We loved that park. Have you ever tried to put yourself in her shoes? She came from a broken home, married a man she believed would make her dreams come true, and beat the living crap out of her twice, not just once. The second time, she almost died, and I witnessed that act of violence. And why that act of violence happened is she was trying to protect me from him. She caught him touching me in a manner no child should be touched. And because she stood up for me, he made an example of her. Back then, there were no shelters, the church did not help her, and she could not move back home with her parents. She told me that after that second experience, she knew that if he did it again, he would kill her. She did everything in her power to protect us and to escape him.

At that time, she was a single parent, working full-time and trying to care for two children. She was exhausted and wanted to rest on the weekend. I know how that feels. You have never been a single parent like that; I have. It would help to let this resentment, bitterness, and anger go. It is toxic and poisonous to your body's cells. You're a science guy; you should look into this fact. I agree that she was not the perfect parent; nobody is. You need to forgive her and rise above it. It explains why you are so bitter and resentful about many things that happened in your life.

I view our parents as my teachers. They taught me how not to parent a child and how to break that cycle of abuse. Mom even said to me when I was pregnant with my first child that I was the first family member who would break that cycle of abuse, and I have seen your parenting style. It's not great either, but you play with your son more than mom has ever played with you. So, she taught you the importance of bonding and connecting with your child. That is a gift and a blessing, but you can't see it that way with all this negativity clouding and coating these beautiful memories we shared at that park.

This is when he became quiet. I spoke the truth. I could see and feel the wheels turning within his mind. So, I explained that the first step out of this pain and suffering is to have the courage to view these memories from a higher perspective. Courage is the first step to freedom because it allows us "the opportunity" to release our pain and suffering.

He knows I have been teaching this technique for years, and now I am being called upon by a higher power or God to teach this to humanity. He is a strict Christian, and when I shared my spiritual awakening experience with him, he believed me. My intention (310) is to support the evolution and growth of this New Earth so we can live in a world full of joy, happiness, peace, and connection instead of fear, anger, hate, and separation.

So, I told him, think of this moment right now as an opportunity God just granted you. It is an opportunity to set yourself free by conversing with me. You brought it up, not me. I believe you have been praying about specific areas of your life that have been painful, and you are seeking a sense of relief from God. Well, God just answered your prayers. You can grant yourself this gift if you step out of your own way and rise above it. Release that rigid mindset and try to view those memories like I have. They were joyful, fun, magical, and exciting. We enjoyed each other's company, and we were safe. She did not dump us off at the park. She gave us choices. Now you have a choice. What are you going to do?

So, as he stood there in silence, I said, "You deserve to be happy and not bitter. Your reality and life will change when you take all these painful memories and view them from a higher perspective. Shine the flashlight of compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, understanding, and mercy upon each one. I want you to give yourself this gift because I love you. Your happiness and peace of mind are essential because you matter. You deserve genuine happiness, not a life where everything is black and white or good and evil. Try putting yourself in her shoes before you condemn and judge her. I did, and I have only love for her, not resentment within my heart."

Pretty deep stuff, right? I spoke the truth and sincerely desire everyone to thrive in life instead of just existing. When people re-see those painful memories and set themselves free, they will no longer take things personally. The negative energetic cords have been cut. Your whole perspective and outlook upon life changes because you have changed, or better said, you finally took out the trash!

So, I do hope everyone has learned a lot from this blog post. Many blessings to you.

In love and light,

Kerie Logan